July 20, 2011

I Wish I Could Somehow Hate You

Within the darkness of my empty, quiet room
how I wish I could somehow hate you
then this would be so much easier.
Convince this destroyed heart that I never loved you.
Erase the lies when I said you never made me cry.
Don't know when it turned so bad for you
that you couldn't bear to live another day.

You dared to think of taking your life.
Words so vile slithered off your palette.
To whisper it to me over the phone lines.
I sat there, wanting to tear the very thought
from your mind, stomp on it until it was nothing
more but a ugly stain beneath my shoes.
A day shall arrive when I shall continue without you
if need be and that's my biggest fear.
Don't leave me before you should, just because
the world bears down on you.
I pray to any heavenly help.
Causing me beg. Plead. To make you stay.
How dare you break your promise that our future daughters
would be best friends, as we are?
I still wish I could hate you for
then I wouldn't dream of us eating Chinese wonton soup
under the large shadow of an oak tree
when moments like this did not exist.

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